Willum is an architect, currently designing a hotel for Mr. Waldgrave, and a pushover. He's kind and intelligent, but Tansy says he "could use a little gumption." He lacks the backbone to stand up for himself. Originally played by Mark Hamill on Broadway, and later replaced by Gary Burghoff.
Willum's on-again, off-again girlfriend. She's been offered her dream job in Washington, D.C., and feels guilty for leaving Willum behind. Idealistic, perky, weather woman, and is just as kind as Willum. Originally played by Patricia Kalember on Broadway.
Willum's best friend and Tansy's ex. He's a pretentious, often-inebriated drama critic, always ready with a sarcastic comment. Originally played by Peter Riegert on Broadway.
The titular "nerd." He's oblivious to insult and lacks manners or sensitivity. He tells Willum that he works as an inspector at a chalk factory in Wisconsin. Originally played by Robert Joy on Broadway.
A boisterous, slightly dim businessman, owner of eight hotels, with no creativity and no tact. He never smiles. Originally played by Wayne Tippit on Broadway.
Mr. Waldgrave's high-strung, put-upon wife. She holds back all of her emotions, and only releases her stress when she can break "something small." Originally played by Pamela Blair on Broadway.
The Waldgraves' terror of a son. "Poster child for planned parenthood." Spends most of the play hiding in a closet or bedroom. Originally played by Timothy Geissler on Broadway.